Dating with ADHD? You probably already know that the ADHD brain works in unique, sometimes mysterious ways. Creators online are increasingly discussing the difficulties of dating with ADHD — a major one being that their actions can be misperceived. 

People with ADHD often experience difficulties with attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, which can impact various aspects of their interpersonal relationships.

There are some important things anyone dating with ADHD should know. Whether you’re already dating someone with ADHD or considering it, these insights will help you navigate the journey with empathy, patience, and a deeper understanding of their experiences.

1. 1. They’re selective listeners

On a date with an ADHDer, you might find yourself repeating stories. It’s important to remember that folks with ADHD vary in their ability to listen attentively. That doesn’t mean they’re not interested in what you’re saying, though. Gently let your partner know if you notice their focus begin to drift during a conversation; communication is essential to creating a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and understood.

2. 2. They can be inconsistent

You might notice your ADHD partner being a bit hot and cold. They may compulsively gravitate to high-dopamine activities to stimulate their brain, or act on impulses that they can’t explain. It’s common for folks with ADHD to be full of energy and creativity one day, and unmotivated and unfocused the next. Being aware of these tendencies can help you avoid misinterpretation or unnecessary conflict. 

3. 3. They might show up late

It’s no secret that people with ADHD struggle with time management. They can be forgetful, but don’t assume that’s because they’re not prioritizing you. Studies show that ADHD brains perceive time differently than neurotypical brains, making punctuality an extremely difficult feat for them. If you find yourself becoming frustrated with their tardiness, try to be understanding while also communicating your needs (i.e. “I understand that being on time is difficult for you, but I feel that my time isn’t being respected. Can we come up with a strategy to work on this?”). Simple visual or auditory reminders like sticky notes or smartphone notifications can work wonders for some.

4. 4. They might sweep you off your feet…

Your ADHD partner might be a bit impulsive. While this can have negative repercussions, it makes for a more energetic, spontaneous life. People with ADHD often have an infectious zest for life, and their partners benefit from their ability to think outside the box. Expect your dates and conversations to be atypical and thrilling.

5. 5. …But they can lose interest fast

While you might find yourself caught in the initial whirlwind of excitement of dating someone with ADHD, try not to confuse their excitement with deep romantic interest. ADHDers tend to hyperfixate on things (and people) but distract easily, so try to move slowly at first! This way, you both can process and understand your feelings and ensure both partners are on the same page.

If you or your partner has ADHD and is in need of support, reach out for a free consultation today!